Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 3 - A-Force, LUMI-L, AshGray ft. Gilme

That's right you fucking whorebags, it's time for another episode of:

nugu5 copy

Once again I'm going to be delivering you three MVs with less than 20,000 YouTube hits each and we're going to put their nugu credentials to the test!  Let's get started!

Let's Talk - Introduction



Hello readers of AKF/FISHies! It's been quite a while since I've last updated on the blog, and as a result, I feel as if as a sort of compensation, I would make a entirely new section of the blog called 'Let's Talk'.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Throwback Time!

Because nothing has really happened in K-pop land lately and I usually don't pay attention unless it's that interesting anyway, let's just listen to an old song together. Now, based on past mistakes, you shouldn't trust any video that I post, but I'm just going to assure you know that this one won't put you in a coma or mentally scar you.

Puff and Heechul's Wedding Photo Shoot


As if I didn't love Puff enough already, episode four of We Got Married Global Season 2 just made Puff that much better for me.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 52

Guess who's back
Back again
Shinbi's back.
Tell a friend. 

This week's photo comes from tumblr:

~*~*~

Oh, my...


I just, I mean I...I don't even know what to say. Things have gone too far. It's time to legalize involuntary euthanasia for these expsychotic starfuckers.

I think I need to lie down now...

m-flo loves BoA - the Love Bug - Nakata Yasutaka Remix



*jizz*

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Pseudo-feminism - how to make k-pop's "white coater" work for you

Before we get to the k-pop-related content, let's start off this particular post by talking about something that's very close and dear to the hearts of many of my readers... the pornographic film industry.  Don't worry - as always, the relevance to k-pop will become clear.  I know some of you might think that I shouldn't be blogging about this and will protest that you don't care about the porn industry but that's all bullshit because my website stats don't lie.  I know what you click on, you dirty cao ni mas.  Great, now that's settled, let's get started.

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Is Being In EXO Worth It?



I saw this video yesterday and I actually kind of, KIND OF, feel bad for EXO.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Fanfic Fridays: The Unwanted Wife

Being recently ill, I wasn't the most eager to jump back on the fanfiction train.
Do you know how nice life is when you don't have to poison your brain with a fangirl's wet dreams?


There's no clever intro here. This is another fucking EXO fanfiction. Let's play.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Can Puff Guo Make Heechul Straight?



With absolutely nothing happening in Korea since last week, there hasn't been shit for the AKF investigation team to report on. However, they have done some research and believe that Puff may be able to turn Heechul straight. (Note: This post is video heavy (roughly 4-5 videos) so be warned.)

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Heechul Is One Lucky Fucker



I have actually been watching all of the episodes of WGM Global Season 2 so far (just the Heechul/Puff cuts). I hate myself sometimes, but as long as one of my favorites is in something, I end up watching it. Honestly, if there was a TV show where Shindong was dancing butt naked and Han Ye Seul showed up in a few scenes every episode...I would still watch it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Kpopalypse K-pop Press Release Decoder

Today's post is all about fun, entertainment and the hidden language of k-pop press releases!

boring

Every day thousands of press releases for artists big and small get sent out into the cybersphere, and many more are attached to physical copies of music product and sent to radio stations, TV stations, and media outlets by hopeful artists and record labels looking for that big break.  Everyone hates these fucking shits, but with careful decoding, the hidden entertainment value of these shrieking payloads of concentrated boredom can be carefully extracted and utilised.  This blog post will show you how.

Thus Spake Jiyeonthustra


This is a continuation of this article for anyone who gets confused.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Hyosung's Tits Featuring Hyosung To Release A Solo Album

Your tits.
Hyosung is releasing a solo album next month and is teaming up with Duble Sidekick for the title track. First Jiyeon, and now Hyosung. Duble Sidekick are really trying to make male fans associate their music with fapping. Hey, it could be worse.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter



First, I'd like to thank Kpopalypse oppar for streaming on Easter even though that would have been a good excuse not to stream in the first place. Secondly, enjoy Easter, whether you celebrate the holiday for religious reasons, consumerism-related reasons, or just because it's another holiday where you receive money.

NS Yoon G Knew She Would Get Hated On


And here you were, expecting me to show a picture of her cleavage.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

KPOPALYPSE survey - the results!

The Kpopalypse survey results are in!  Time to share them with you, the lovely readers!

schoolpis

I discussed the results on the first of the two Easter livestreams as well but for those who missed it, who don't follow the livestreams, or who would just like to see it all written down, all the data is in this post for your obsessive-compulsive scrutiny!

Fancam Appreciation #10 - miss A's Fei



Fei performing 2PM's Again & Again while everyone faps to her again and again.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Fanfic Fridays: AKF Bangs Every Member In Popu Lady



The Duchess is sick this week, which is why there wasn't an article from her posted earlier today. I saw her tweet something about lesbian porn and scat always seeming to be paired together in her searches, so she must have seen something really nasty, causing her to be sick for several days.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Yay For Mandy Wei


What a pleasant surprise. This was the first thing I saw on Facebook when I woke up today (April 9th). Honestly, the only thing I use Facebook these days for is to follow pages of TV shows, websites, celebrities, etc. because I'd rather see pics of Mandy Wei's cleavage than seeing the one millionth picture of someone's kid(s).

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Jaejoong To Be A Gangster In New MBC Drama 'Triangle'


In the upcoming MBC drama 'Triangle', Jaejoong will be portraying a gangster.

I don't buy it. At all.

Lee Yeon Hee In Talks To Be In Detective K 2



Great news for Lee Yeon Hee fans. As Soompi reported, Lee Yeon Hee hasn't decided yet on accepting the role, but here's to hoping. In the video linked above, it was the first time Han Ji Min ditched her cute and innocent image in favor of the femme fatale image. Just imagining Yeon Hee in that attire...

Monday, April 14, 2014

Jenna Wang Welcomes Baseball Season



Wrote this like ten days ago, but whatever. What happens when you combine my two favorite things in life (hot women and baseball)? Pure awesome.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Korean Lyrics Translation

Have you ever wondered what the lyrics were for a Korean song that you were listening to, but could never find any translations because either the song was from an indie group or a nugu group? Well, your problem is now solved!

One Hallyu recently set up a Korean and a Japanese lyric translation team after the success the Chinese lyric team had. I joined the Korean team a while ago and the requests finally started.

The request thread is here, and I will give priority to requests made from AKF readers. Obviously you would have to make note of who you are so that I can actually verify that you read AKF. You must make requests in that thread, as any requests made on here, twitter, and/or ask.fm (yes, people still ask me shit even though I said I won't ever use it again) will be ignored.

6 k-pop idols who look like busty pornstars

You know the deal.  We've all been there.  You're sitting at home fapping to k-pop idols but you just can't get into the groove this time - you're having trouble maintaining your arousal.  You fap harder, you try some lube, you try your other hand, but it's no use.  You're in good physical condition, you're not even tired... relaxing and giving up for the moment, you sit and think about your predicament.  It becomes clear to to you that the problem is mental, not physical - after many years of fapping to k-pop videos and GIFs you've been finally desensitised to the coy, controlled, choreographed prancing and posing of you bias, and you need something more hardcore to keep your solo-libido going.  However, you don't want to fap to anyone but your bias.... because that would be like cheating... well, okay, not really... but you're delusional, so there's no talking to you.

NEVER FEAR - KPOPALYPSE IS HERE TO HELP!

kara-hara-5

Since we can't have k-pop stars doing porn because Korean laws are a super-conservative killjoy, I've taken the trouble of finding for you six lookalikes that you can search up on porn sites and use as a fap substitute while still keeping your mind clean and pure with thoughts of only your precious bias (assuming you bias is one of these six, but then, these six idols are pretty fucking smoking hot, so it probably is*).  These lookalikes definitely don't have the same body types, but they do have similar faces.  Or maybe they don't.  Whatever.  It's a k-pop porn post - why are you complaining?

KPOPALYPSE EASTER STREAM

HEY CAO NI MAS, KPOPALYPSE IS STREAMING DURING EASTER!

This post has all the information you need about the KPOPALYPSE LIVESTREAM!

Annie Chen For Maybelline



I'm surprised I haven't made a post about Annie Chen yet. While I have written a lot of posts about my Korean "waifu" (Han Ye Seul) and my Japanese "waifu" (Toda Erika), I finally made one for my Taiwanese "waifu".

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Park Hyo Shin's 'Try to Stay Awake'

Earlier this week I was on Netizenbuzz and there was somrthing about some guy who nettys wanted to win a music show, and he did. Then I found the song when downloading some other tunes to work out to or blast at school and I thought, why not give it a try? So I downloaded it and let it stew somewhere in my thousand songs.

Cue two days ago when I was just strolling down the sidewalk in the evening, enjoying my workout while blasting EXID. Feeling adventurous, I decided to put on that song I downloaded, expecting a snoozefest. As the song started, I felt my footsteps slow and my legs started to become heavy. Was it just me, or was it getting darker outside? My vision was really starting to blur, it was awful. Was that the street in front of me? Not wanting to get hit by a car or run into a tree, I quickly hit the shuffle button and woke up a bit upon hearing this.


The Shindong Theory

So recently, SM's resident hog was spotted on a date with some hot model. While I had no thoughts about it myself besides the good old 'wtf,' However, other people on the internet had their own input, for example:

"Shindong Oppar is dating!!!! NOOOOOOOOO YOU ONLY LOVE ME!!!" - Shindong's fridge

"YOU BOUGHT HER FOOD BUT WON'T FEED ME????" - Shindong's self-storage stomach

"SHINDONG OPPAR IS MINE 5EVER!" - Those five fat Super Junior fangirls

"Why does Shindong get to bone her?" - The other Super Junior members

"What happened to the girlfriend/fiancee? Damn liar, we feel bad for the girl" - Netizens everywhere

"He must form the fat into a 10-inch dong." - Chuck


Three Year Anniversary


Too bad BoA isn't here to celebrate with us. Anyhow, it's been an amazing three years so far, and despite work and graduate school in the future consuming my life, I can't wait to see what the next three years have in store.

Fancam Appreciation #9 - EXID's Solji



Yes, there is another member in EXID that is hot, and her name is Solji. Hani isn't the only member in this group.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Fanfic Fridays: Strip Naked

Look at me honestly and say that you're not going to read a fanfic with that title. What? No? You're a filthy liar.

Fuck taeny drama. I READ WHAT I WANT.
This will be dirty.
If you're not okay with that, why are you even on this website?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

On location with SPEED

After an excruciating two-week hiatus, SPEED came back earlier this month with "Look At Me Now." It's the first SPEED song I've liked. In fact, I enjoy it so much I've crossed over into obsessed territory, but I digress. 

The video for "Look At Me Now" is bare bones. There is no plot, no cute closeups, no star cameos. From what I can tell, CCM's investment in this video involved dropping the group in a desert and calling it a day.


Will dance for ride back to Seoul

MBLAQ - Be A Man



Man, all of these boyband MV articles written by me this week were all written within an hour of each other. I liked the first song by MIB, but each song got worse and more boring. And now I'm here to MBLAQ. I generally like their songs, but this one...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Soyul's Identity Crisis Baffles Allkpoppers

Crayon Pop's Soyul guested on MNET's Beatles Code 3D to talk about her yung thuggin' ulzzang days. Of course, it wouldn't go over just that simply on Allkpop

They picked this picture to represent the article (so to speak) and people assumed that it was a before and after shot of The Yung Soyul.


Yes, that gorgeous girl on the left is in fact Park Han Byul. But that didn't stop the peeps over there from making their stupid/obvious/bizarre claims anyway.

Haeryung Is Great At Pitching


Okay, both fiddle.se/klogg and Ahjussi sent me this pic at the same time. I just had to post it.

Can she please pitch for the Detroit Tigers? PHIL COKE FUCKING SUCKS AND BLEW THE MOTHER FUCKING GAME! I WANTED TO RUB IT IN IATFB OPPAR'S FACE BUT PHIL COKE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNIER IF HE BLEW THE FUCKING GAME!

At the least Haeryung could distract the opposing hitters when she throws her 30 MPH fastball.

New Jiyeon Teaser


Yeah, it's probably not the best thing to look at right before I go to bed at 6:30 AM. I just hope that this doesn't happen to me due to Jiyeon.

[MV Review] Boy Republic - Video Game



It's a song about video games, so it can't wrong. I mean, one of the greatest songs of all time is the Angry Video Game Nerd theme song.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Why you don't sound like an idol - inside vocal production

There's plenty of people these days who know all about the voice and the physiology of singing.  I guess the obsession with vocal knowledge is the cancer that idol TV shows (east and west) have inflicted on the world by continually treating music as a competition with measureable objective standards that don't exist in reality instead of as an entertainment art.  It's one motherfucking boring topic that I couldn't be fucked covering, but I know a lot of people love it and do cover it which is great because it saves me the trouble.  However, how many people know about what happens after the voice leaves the throat and before it gets on a recording that you listen to?  If you've ever wanted to know any of that shit, this post is for you (and if you didn't, you can stop reading now and go fap to Girl's Day videos, bye bye).

rikan copy

[MV Review] Akdong Musician - 200%

So Akdong Musician finally made their debut... After spending so long in the YG basement, people were getting concerned and wondering if they were ever going to see the light of day ever again. With "200%," we can see that their time down there was... interesting, to say the least.



The music video is your standaaaaaaaaaaaaaalkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkd

zzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

.
.
.
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(A/N: This is where I fell asleep on my keyboard.)
The end.

Jia Joins JYP Twerk Team

Jia recently uploaded her audition tape for JYP's unofficial offical Twerk Team on Instagram!


Aside from her friend stealing 80% of the spotlight, and Fei casually sauntering in like the bad bitch she is... I'd say between her and Min, JYP has the groundwork laid for a Twerking Subunit!

LOL JK, JIA'S HORRIBLE. SHE NEEDS TO GO BACK TO THE BASEMENT AND INTERN UNDER MIN SOME MORE.

Fei can get it though, unf.

Caption This Picture #2

This is late by a day, but oh well. We had a good amount of entries for the first submission, and I was torn between two really great ones. Here was my pick for last week's winner:

Congratulations to The Dutchess~
This week's submission is:

Do your worst!! And as always, feel free to use our submission box to send in ambiguous or funny pictures you'd like to see captioned for sport and giggles.

Jiyeon - 1 Min 1 Sec Teaser



ALL HAIL THE CYCLOPS OVERLORD! This shit is too good to schedule two weeks into the future when the MV might already be out by then.

Shit Will Get Posted When It Gets Posted


Public service announcement because I'm tired of seeing the same type of comments.

Kara's Gyuri found Jesus

Read about her epic journey of faith after the jump.

[MV Review] Super Junior M - Swing



Fun fact: Super Junior M is the only Super Junior I like. For some reason, I really like Super Girl. I don't know. Maybe because it's one of Yoo Young Jin's last good songs before he started sucking major shit out of a cow's ass? Maybe because Jessica is in the MV? Maybe because the song is just cheesy enough to where I find it enjoyable? It remains a mystery as to why I like that song, but I just do. So, I tend to listen to Super Junior M's songs while avoiding the main group's shit (since they've been releasing the same fucking song since 2009 anyway).

Monday, April 7, 2014

[MV Review] NS YoonG - Yasisi

NS YoonG returns with an amazing spectacle of an MV to say the least to kickoff her new album release. HOW DOES IT FARE?

Now with official subtitles!!

M.I.B. - Chisa Bounce



Do you want to listen to a male group that won't make you feel gay while listening to them? Sometimes, I think licking a dude's asshole while fondling his nutsack would be LESS gay than listening to a song from a group by Boyfriend. Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Yeah, sometimes the shit I write makes me question my sanity.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Teaser For WGM International



The first episode may have already aired by the time this article comes out, but I have a real dilemma in regards to watching this season of WGM International.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Fancam Appreciation #8 - Hello Venus' Yooyoung



Don't let Yooyoung's title of maknae fool you into believing that the only charms she has is being cute. She has a great body that Pledis keeps under wraps most of the time. Just think if she were in Rainbow Blaxx or some shit, because there would be a lot of awesome pics out there.

Friday, April 4, 2014

KPOPALYPSE survey!

Take the KPOPALYPSE survey!

survey

Sorry about the one I posted earlier on a different site that some of you saw before I had to pull it down.  If you did it before feel free to do it again.

  After the old one collected 50 responses, it locked me out of seeing your survey answers until I paid a fee!  I'd be fine with that if it wasn't something the software sneakily hid from me until after the survey was made and published.  Fucked if I'm going along with that scammy bullshit so I recreated the survey on another site that doesn't have those limitations.

Just for clarification this is a survey about Kpopalypse, and I'm only one of the Anti Kpop-Fangirl writers!  I did see a couple of your questions you guys had before the entire thing locked me out, so FYI:  I wasn't involved in writing the T-ara "Day By Day" review (which predates my time on this site) nor did I invent the term UCAAD (Upstanding Citizen of African-American Descent).
 
KPOPALYPSE will return with a new post in a few days, and a date for the next livestream!

Fanfic Fridays: That Empty Bus Seat

Last Friday was... torture.

The writing was entirely elementary but the comments on the article gave me hope.
I have decided to try again; there must be a good kpop fanfiction out there.


Time to dabble into the minds of arguably the most rabid fanbase out there: EXO stans.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Hyo emulates her inner Xena: cuts a Bitch, arrested, AMAZONIAN 4 LYFE SIS!

She's comin' for you!
WARNING: THIS IS NOT AN APRIL'S FOOL JOKE; HYOYEON HAS EMBRACED THE LIFE OF A WARRIOR PRINCESS!

Soompi recently confirmed that the rumours about one of the members of the Divine Nine being arrested are, in fact, true and are about Hyoyeon herself (as confirmed by SM).

Cute concepts: the red flag of jism

There's an amazing shitstorm brewing about Hyoyeon and SNSD at the moment, which at this stage may or may not blow over, but I'm not going to write about it.  After all, I've already written a post about how confirmation bias works so you should all know what's really going on, plus every second post I've ever made ever has probably got some little dig in it about how fucking stupid netizens were about T-ara and about how equally stupid a lot of international k-pop fans were for going along with the rumours at the time instead of using some intelligence.  So now it's SNSD's turn on the chopping block and I bet any Sones who vilified T-ara back then are now feeling appropriately stupid now that they get to experience the same situation from the other side.  Here's hoping they'll learn something from the experience about not believing any old bullshit on the Internet.  Probably not, though.


eunjsery

And that's all I've got to say about that specific situation.  Others will probably say more.  However there's something else at the root of this kind of thing which I believe is worth discussing - "cute" concepts.

Next Livestream

The next livestream that I'll be holding will be Saturday, April 12 at 8 PM EST. I will have a countdown timer placed this Saturday. If Kpopalypse's schedule holds, he'll have one the following week, and he'll make his own post when he knows for sure.

Since it has been about three months since my last livestream, there will be plenty to talk about. The livestream will probably be a few hours unless the chatroom is dead and there's nothing left to talk about.

Akdong Musician To Finally Debut



Everywhere I go on Kpop sites, I keep on seeing Akdong Musician being hyped up as the next big thing. Since they won K-pop Star Season 2, people naturally have high expectations for them. However, just because you win a music show, it doesn't mean shit. I mean, come the fuck on, when Busker Busker wins on a Korean music contest show, the credibility of these kind of shows goes straight down the fucking shitter.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Hot Male Fanservice

Male fanservice seems to be highly requested by the peeps these days, so I saved all them other authors the effort and looked up some sexy dudes for you to drool over. Thank me later.


Before the jump, a picture of Baekhyun. I know at least one of you likes that.


So Hot



This song is dedicated to these lovely ladies.

Han Hyo Joo Acuvue Define CF



Han Hyo Joo is as ugly as shit.