Saturday, May 31, 2014

Why Kpopalypse doesn't like netizens - the real reason

There's a dichotomy going on with my writing and Internet activity, that some of you have noticed:
  1. I'm not really someone who gives much of a shit what other people think of me, or what other people think of just about anything at all, for that matter.  Other people can say and do their thing, I'll say and do mine - as long as it's not severely impacting the quality of my life in some tangible way, people are entitled to their opinions and it's all good.
  2. Netizens (both Korean and international) and their constant thoughts (or lack thereof) about all sorts of things are something that I often think are ridiculous, and I enjoy holding some of these people up to contemptuous ridicule.  Since I've started blogging I have a love/hate relationship with netizens because although their opinions are generally worthless and provably wrong it gives me endless blogging material which I can honestly only be thankful for.
This has caused a few people to ask questions along the lines of...

eunopin

It's a good question.  This post has the answer, and it's not what you think... well, not exactly.

WYMBFOS 2: Slut-shaming

Find me news of a boy band being strongly publicly criticized (public outlets and/or netizens) for being "too sexy" as a moral issue.

NOT just lyrical content, or because some young girl was somehow getting her purity ruined by them, but judgement of them personally in and of themselves.

That they were doing something offensive by just being too damn sexy for reality, and it was some impure and horrible thing that will influence society for the worse, and they are bad people for it. That "real men" have better character, are more respectful and modest in how they present themselves to women, and care about what children are seeing and the roles they portray, and have higher expectations of themselves and should want to be seen as intelligent and complex beings rather than sex objects, and behave appropriately for all society. Then, as a bonus level of challenge to this, having to change costumes or choreography because of it.

I FUCKING DARE YOU TO FIND SUCH A THING.

Even if you can find such a unicorn/leprechaun of a story, then try and find such things pertaining to females and compare the numbers.

Yes, slut-shamers, you are fucking full of shit.

Busker Busker Disbands?


Dreams do come true.

Fiona Sit - Pheremone



Way back when I was still able to do livestreams (sorry to the livestream viewers, but I never get Fridays and Saturdays off anymore), one of the people in the stream linked me to Fiona Sit and I have liked her ever since. I don't remember exactly who linked the MV (it was a while ago now), but thanks.

On an unrelated note, I'll try to get some of the MV reviews done, but more hours at work were added and the second half of my accounting course has more work compared to the first half, on top of me starting to study for that damn GMAT exam.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Let's Talk - Homosexuality in Korea


Happy Wednesday! And you know what that means? I'm back again, and this time, I'm covering a subject that I've wanted to for quite a while, and I've been given the opportunity to do so from someone on the forums. This article will be filled more with factual information than my opinions on the topic, so sit back and grab something keep yourself awake, because you're going to learn some things today.

Raina apologizes to butthurt fans

After School fans ain't nuthin' to fuck wit.


Public Enemy Nos. 1-8

Jiyeon Trolls(?) -- No, Korean Netizens are just Fucking Retarded



In the continuing saga of Netizen Buzz trying to make it look like every Korean netizen is mentally retarded and hates T-ara for the sake of click baiting, this article was posted.

Wanna be a Fat Whore like Suzy?



With 40 grams of sugar in each 20 oz. bottle, you can become a fat whore in no time if you drink as much Sprite as Suzy does! To ensure that you don't burn off those carbohydrates, spend all day sitting at your computer reading allkpop (since you say they are the "fastest" and you need instant news updates about Korean idols) and commenting on Netizen Buzz in your vain attempt to become a kimchi faggot. You may not have been born with the kimchi faggotry like I have, but you can work hard at it, and eventually you can attain true kimchi faggotry by making lame T-ara jokes and worshiping Won Bin. You can do all of this while drinking bottle after bottle of Sprite to become a fatty like Suzy.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Nothing is real - inside instrumental production

A while I made a post that discussed various technical aspects of vocals from an audio engineering rather than a singing point of view, because inquiring k-pop loving minds wanted to know all about vocals and there really aren't any other posts that I've seen out there in the k-pop fan's world that tackle vocals from any point of view other than either a fan's or a singing teacher's perspective.  In the vocal post I discussed the technical ins and outs, and I also asked if people were interested in a similar post about the backing tracks and instrumentals of k-pop.  As it happens, some of you said that you would like a post like that, so here it is.  Be careful what you wish for, hey.

eunboo

Yoona's New "CF"



Words cannot convey how strange this video is.

Aaron Yan - That's Not Me



Aaron Yan has come out with his millionth MV in the past year, and for those of you (i.e. RealJW) who are always lamenting that AKF barely has any male fanservice posts (for a good reason, go to the other 99% of Kpop sites for that shit), here's Aaron Yan.

Monday, May 26, 2014

How To Salvage Kara According to the Desires of Korean Netizens


As most people know by now, DSP will have a reality show to add two new members and everyone is against it, even the Kara members themselves. While I (and many others) had hoped Kara would continue as three members, DSP thought that made too much sense, so they're trying to fuck with Kara.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Rare response: Colorism in Kpop and social challenge in general


I don't usually respond to emails we get, but today I'm bored so I thought I would answer this one.

Kara apologizes for having a dumbass agency

KARA held a fan meeting as a 3 member group for the first time on the 24th of May at Blue Square Samsung Card Hall. This provided an opportunity for KARA to prove they are perfectly good with only three members by performing a few songs, and to tell fans that they are just as pissed as the fans are.

On the 12th of May, DSP Media announced that they were going to add a new member to KARA through an audition program titled “KARA Project”. Yet fans weren't gonna have none of that shit, and they even hung a large banner telling DSP to fuck off with that noise, which read “We will never accept a new KARA member” near the office of DSP Media.

However, despite the complaints, opposition, and widespread public mockery, DSP Media wanted to prove they are completely fucking retarded and don't listen to anyone. So they went ahead with their dumb asses and released teasers of 7 trainees, or “Baby KARA” members, who all had zero potential to ever live up to the standards or legacy of a KARA member.

According to a fan who attended the meeting, Gyuri apologized to the one thousand fans in attendance for DSP continuously hurting them with disappointing news, and that she did not want people whom she considered special to get hurt, or for herself to look like a damn fool who just rolls over and takes whatever shit her agency dishes out without a fight.

She also explained that she cannot reveal certain things that will be broadcast, so she feels frustrated, however she emphasized the most important thing was for the fans to trust the three current members. She further added that the KARA members are trying their best to stick it to the man, and that they are currently fucking, blackmailing, and extorting anyone they need to stop this madness, so she asked for their trust and patience.

Member Seungyeon agreed with Gyuri, and added that it was heartbreaking for everyone to see people who were so close to them leave, and that she was sad that she was forced to bring disappointing news almost every year. She also said that she knew a good portion of them were also Rainbow fans, and apologized for the shitty cutesy concepts and songs they were given last year.

Hara also added that the emotions the members are feeling are all equally painful, and that she trusted the fans understood how the members of KARA were currently feeling, however during her speech, Hara choked up on tears and could not finish her sentence. She explained that she originally promised herself that she would not cry at the fan meeting, but she could not help crying because the stress of trying to hold back crying hurt her face, which was still sore from a recent surgery.

Although fans unanimously said "NO. FUCKING NO. OH GOD, PLEASE, NO." regarding DSP Media’s move to add a new member to KARA, there was no word on the cancellation of this move, suggesting that they hate money and haven't paid attention to how well Girl's Day has done without replacing that girl who had a nice ass.

Meanwhile, all fan meeting ticket profits were donated to charities and organizations to help teens cope with the continual psychological trauma of being a KARA fan, as with their previous annual fan meetings.

Hyosung releases best practice video ever



brb watching this 1000 times

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Episode 1 of Puff's New Drama "Love Myself or You"


Not satisfied with only seeing Puff once a week on WGM Global? Fear not, her new drama has just premiered in Taiwan and you can watch episode one here.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Our Blessed Cyclops performs a miracle for the heathens



See her miraculous works, believe and repent, bitches!

As with all miracles, the exact meaning is up to interpretation. Some believers think it is a sign that she divinely blessed the world with the wisdom of Yin & Yang thousands of years ago. Others think her Holy Window of Alteration shows that she exists on all planes of existence, beyond colors, beyond black and white, so all ethnicities are welcome and united unto her.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 55

This week's photo comes from our very own Krakenoid:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Let's Talk - Companies


After a week's delay, I'm finally back with the next edition of the 'Let's Talk' series. This week, the main subject is 'Companies', as most of the questions asked corresponded to said topic. A little disclaimer, most of the information displayed in this article is from my own personal observations and experiences, and other people may have experienced different things that impact their view on said topics, but I will go solely off of what I think/have seen.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Quest for Shindong

Yes that's right, it's KPOPALYPSE FANFICTION TIME once again!

Some readers have been saying that I don't focus on the guys enough in my writing.  I hear you!  So, for all those readers out there craving some man love, here's a fanfiction featuring the hunkiest, chunkiest man in k-pop, Super Junior's Shindong, because I'm always willing to listen and take on board constructive criticism.  The fan feels from this post to those craving some sexy male romance should be so intense that once you've read it all, you'll be begging for me to get back to writing about k-pop girls instead just to give you the opportunity to cool your hormones down a bit.

shinint copy 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

WYMBFOS: Ways You Might Be Full Of Shit - Vol1

One day, some time ago, I was assaulted with the stupidity and hypocrisy of fangirls from all angles. Many thoughts came to me and I considered making a bitch-out-to-end-all-bitch-outs... but I got the flu the worst in 12 years so I was too fucking tired to write it all. Afterwards, I was too lazy, and saw that our new authors were making people read too much as it is, so I didn't write it.

HOWEVER, I just had an idea to turn it into a series. Perhaps some portions will be longer, and perhaps some will be shorter, but they will focus on people who think they are better than others and how full of shit they are. So without further ado...

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Jiyeon Releases New Teasers For "1 Minute 1 Second"


Son Dam Bi, Mandy Wei and Jenna Wang in Bikinis

PRAISE THE LORD!

In my post that came out last Saturday about Mandy Wei's pictorials, I lamented that she wasn't in a bikini. However, the day after I wrote the article, she uploaded pics onto Facebook of her in a bikini. Son Dam Bi and Jenna Wang also contributed!

Friday, May 16, 2014

Fanfic Fridays: I Heard You Called Me Pretty

The Goddess Sulli. 

She saved me.

EXO bullied Kris out of the group: the ironclad evidence*

Like everybody else who follows k-pop, I've been reading about Kris leaving EXO, after all it's been pretty fucking impossible to avoid.  In fact it's even interrupted my blogging schedule - I had a completely different blog about 80% completed and then this fucking shit turned up and crashed the blogging party, demanding that I write about it, simply because I know people will not stop asking me about this stuff if I don't write about it.

While I honestly have no major emotions about EXO in any particular direction (other than at least "Overdose" is better than "Growl"), it's been vaguely interesting to watch the reaction to their line-up situation in Korea.   Many people are calling Kris lazy and sticking up for the rest of the group... but a thought occurred to me: if it were a female group, this would never happen.  Whether it's T-ara, Girl's Day5Dolls, miss A, Sistar, Jennie Kim, SNSD, Crayon Pop... it doesn't matter which group it is, when a member is having trouble, that member is an angel and the rest must therefore be evil bullies.  Because anonymous people on the Internet said so.

jiysch

I thought it would be interesting (to me, maybe not to you or anyone else but oh well) to turn the tables.  How would the EXO/Kris situation be received by the hive-mind if they were judged by the same standards that netizens use to judge female groups?  Read on in the following hypothetical scenario (I have to bold this part or some dumb motherfuckers won't understand the point of this blog) and find out.

IU is a Dirty Whore for Selling Out to the Chinese



I'm sure that's the reaction on Naver/Nate after Koreans saw the video. That Chinese UCAAD Kris speaks Chinese, so speaking this ching chang chong language makes IU a dirty whore!!!!111

Thursday, May 15, 2014

KrisGate Rocks EXO Fandom


EXO's Kris has decided to file a lawsuit to end his contract with SM Entertainment, pulling a Hangeng and getting the hell outta Korea. Of course, AKF's investigative team has the scoop for you.

Question of the Week 80

This week's question comes from an anonymous person:

If you were in-charge of creating a K-pop (be it male, female, or mix) group together, would you:
(a) go for more visual with less talent
(b) 50/50 visual+talent
(c) more talent but less on the visual
(d) Pure visual/talent ie; visual with crappy talent and vice-versa
(e) none of the above

To clarify: 
visual = nice pair of rack, smokin' hot ass, long lags, slim & slander body figure, rock solid abs(for the guys) and it goes without saying, not to shabby looking face. Usually decent to none in the talent department.
talent = decent to magnificent vocal/rap/dance talent, involve in the creative process of their own musics/songs be it writing lyrics, composing, musics arrangement or even making their own dance choreography.



Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Puff's New Drama "Love Myself of You" Premieres Soon



If you're a huge fan of Puff (and why wouldn't you be) and need to see more of her, great news as her new drama starts airing on the 23rd!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

g.o.d. Returns with The Ugly Duckling



g.o.d. was one of the huge groups of the 90s and early 2000s. That tells you right there time has passed them by.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Koreans Try To Act Like Hyosung Isn't Hot


Via Netizen Buzz. Yes, Hyosung and her titties distracted me while studying and working on accounting problems. I still got some work done, but not as much as I would have if Hyosung's body wasn't so jjangbak.

Korean Netizens Are Salty Because of G.NA's Pretty Lingerie


Since I don't have any sexual attraction towards whatever alien race G.NA is, she does have a nice pair of tits. Plus I love the fact that she is making Korean netizens mad, so that is always a plus.

Nichkhun is Happy when Asked about Tiffany


On "Running Man," Yoo Jae Suk asked Nichkhun about Tiffany in a roundabout way. Of course he would say he's happy. After the jump, you will see why Nichkhun would have to be nuts not to be happy.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Kpopalypse Defence League: 3 rounds with k-pop's haters

A lot of people seem to think I blog about Korean pop because I'm some kind of hater.  Strange as it may seem, I actually like Korean pop music, and that's why I write about it.   Of course this obvious fact escapes many fuckheaded people and I have to bear the slings and arrows of those who think I'm only here to knock k-pop down a peg, just because I didn't write a glowing review of the latest written-while-waiting-in-the-urinal-queue trashy k-ballad from their fave.  However there's another type of hater that I also come across, less-often discussed on k-pop bogs - the people who already hate k-pop on a more general level and say that "I shouldn't be listening to that".  You all know the type, because you've all had the same conversation with these music snobs that I've had:

blogidea1

In this blog I'm going to collect some of the most often-heard objections to k-pop and come up with some sensible, rational non-fangirly replies that you can use at your leisure to win arguments, influence people, or just make everyone who is giving you problems shut the fuck up for a change!  Welcome to the Kpopalypse Defence League!

kdl

Jung So Min for CeCi


Jung So Min of the currently airing drama "Big Man" recently did a pictorial for CeCi and looks as adorable as ever. Sadly I won't be able to catch "Big Man" until its run is over, but it's hard to resist the drama because Jung So Min and Lee Da Hee are in it. 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Mandy Wei for Esquire and Vivi


It's finally spring time, and Mandy Wei has two new pictorials out. The first one for Vivi is a cute concept while the one for Esquire is a mature concept.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

[MV Review] Exo - "Overdose"

Well, that was a whole bunch of nothing.


Join me as we explore the depths of dullness.

Let's Talk - Male vs. Female Groups


All of the questions sent in were on the subject of male and female groups or something related to said subject, so for the first article, I decided to make a mega-post answering all the questions received based on said subject, and don't worry, fap material will be evenly spread around to keep those who only visit this blog for the sole reason of fapping are satisfied. A gift from me to you, eh?

Last Live Article From Me For Two Months



Like I mentioned earlier this spring, my schedule is getting really tight. May and June are one of those periods where I have no time to update AKF on continuous basis. Everything from me will be scheduled for the next two months, so certain MV Reviews like Jiyeon and Hyosung may be a week or two late compared to when everyone else reviews them. I will have no time to comment on the articles anymore, so if you direct a comment at me, expect it to go unanswered. However, I actually know how to manage my time unlike a certain two authors on here who know who they are (because I have ripped on both of them on it in the past), so there should be roughly the same number of articles still coming out. It's just that some of the material may be a little old, but as I said earlier, we're a blog, not a news site. Go read Soompi, Koreaboo, MWave and/or Netizen Buzz if you find it imperative to keep up with the latest news all the time. We'll still cover the important things (such as Jiyeon and Hyosung's solos). So, I dedicate this post to a bunch of videos, so be forewarned if you have shitty Internet.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Kpopalypse Guide to Horror Films with T-ara members in them

People are always requesting that I review things for their entertainment, and since I'm so eager to please you lovely blog-readers out there, how can I say no?  However I don't want to just review the same stuff everyone else does, in the same way.  This post is therefore a review of some crazy sick gory horror films, because I'm into that sort of thing.  I'm also into T-ara, so why not combine the two interests into one delicious set of reviews for your enjoyment?

great

Korean Netizens Say Hysterical Shit about Han Ye Seul Entering the Chinese Market


If I was an editor for the Oxford English Dictionary, I would change the definition of "Stockholm Syndrome" to state "see Korean." At this point, Koreans will always support the status quo despite how bad it is. Koreans are people that complain about something but do everything in their power to keep anything from actually changing. A good example is the Sewol ferry disaster. The public outcry has been huge, but I have a feeling not one thing will change as the result of the captain's actions. If anything, I would not be surprised if ferry companies continued operating in the same fashion tomorrow as they are today.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Rania to come back this summer!

Back from the kpop trash heap

Goddess Sawajiri Erika Shows Why Talent Isn't Important




From the look of things, K-Pop should be returning to normal next week. In the meantime, enjoy all the stuff from the rest of Asia I have been/will be posting.

Why do Koreans Hate BoA?


Normally I would expect Koreans to worship BoA (as she should be), but lately there have been negative reactions towards her. I understand that not everyone is going to like a certain person, but people in the god/goddess tier should be exceptions to the rule, or so I thought.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

[MV Review] Crayon Pop - Uh-ee


Crayon Pop returned with "Uh-ee" and the only thing that pops up in my mind is "Uh." This is far from Crayon Pop's best release, but it's enough to satiate the die hard fans.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

[MV Review] A Pink - Mr. Chu



Korean pop has come to a standstill since the Sewol incident, and with things slowly picking up, now is the perfect time to look back at some songs that came out but were not covered on AKF. First up in A Pink's "Mr. Chu." A Pink was winning on music shows before the ferry incident. A Pink usually is very solid with their releases, so let's see how "Mr. Chu" stands out.