Tuesday, September 30, 2014

STEP ASIDE T-ARA, THE NEW ILJIN GROUP IS IN (SM)TOWN

Ok, everyone's shitting themselves in either rage or schadenfreude right now but let's take a step back to look at the bigger picture that netizens have yet to pick up on.

Jessica posted the following message on her Weibo to kickstart this all off:


"...shockingly informed by my company AND 8 OTHERS..."


"I'm deeply saddened and hurt by those WHO I TRUSTED and hope that you don't ever have to experience THIS KIND OF PAIN."

Oh?? Not only is OT9 deader than a doormat but is that extremely circumstantial evidence that could possibly be construed as proof that Jessica was literally BULLIED/BACKSTABBED out of SNSD? T-ara who? SNSD are the new iljin bullies ready to be crucified on the internet.

Here are likely* beefs each member has with Jessica that you can pretend led to these shocking turn of events...

*and by likely I mean full of bullshit, but why can't we just T-ara logic SNSD for the sake of argument?

This is not a post about Jessica leaving SNSD, so why not just skip it?

Actually this is a post just to let you know that the "2NE1 shittiness survey" results are now in.  Click the sexy A.KOR bitches below, then scroll down to the conclusion to see the results!

akorakor copy

I must say though, it's great that Jessica left SNSD because now I can write whatever bullshit I want over the next few days and as long as it's not about her nobody will bother to read it and there'll be no repercussions for me!  Awesome!

tara1111

Hahaha.

Monday, September 29, 2014

[EXCLUSIVE] Official interview with Jessica Jung on her removal from SNSD

아저씨: Hello Jessica, good to see you again, as always. I'm glad we are close enough that you would trust me with this. SM has made claims that you weren't prioritizing SNSD and this forced them to remove you from the group. What do you have to say about this?

Jessica:
아저씨: I see. I thank you for your time, dear.

--

Well there you have it, folks. Jessica is a BAMF and does what she wants. Rock on, Jessica.

Jessica has left SNSD, will still be managed by SM


Earlier today Jessica or someone who hacked her weibo account posted the following:
I was excited about our upcoming fan events only to shockingly be informed by my company and 8 others that as of today, I'm no longer a member. I'm devastated - my priority and love is to serve as a member of GG, but for no justifiable reason, I am being forced out.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

The Block B quantum-multiverse project

It's been called to my attention that my blogging has been noted by the Block B fan community, so here's a little story written by Kpopalypse especially with them in mind.  Although I could have written this about any group really, but I hope they enjoy it... or not.

eunjred copy

Bad Kiz is the Lowest of the Low


Are you a nugu group that no one has ever heard of? Are you in dire need of exposure? Do you not care how your group gets attention? Are you willing to be low-class to get three people to check out your music video?

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Thursday, September 25, 2014

I know who the other crayon pop subunit member is


 So there's going to be a Crayon Pop sub-unit and today 50% of it was revealed when Choa said:
“Ta-da! I can reveal that the first member of the Crayon Pop subunit is me, ChoA! We have been working very hard on the new subunit album. Please expect a lot! Who do you think the next member will be? That will be revealed tomorrow!”
While I'm legally obligated to keep a secret until tomorrow when it's officially revealed I can give you this clue. Her name starts with 'W' and ends in 'Y'. Well, now that's official I can tell you it's way Way. In case you couldn't figure it out from my hint.
I actually hope it's Soyul to be honest.

Hani and Junghwa....IKU!



I DON'T HAVE TO WRITE SHIT, BUT I WILL AND SAY THAT HANI IS AS HOT AS FUCK! Junghwa is pretty hot, too. Just saying. BUT HANI! UNF!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Kpopalypse Ice Bucket Fap Challenge - the complete k-pop girl list

Many people had questions about the Ice Bucket Challenge.  Some people wanted to know "what is ALS?", "how can I donate?", "is this trend a good idea?", "is this objectifying?", "will I feel like a dumb trendy fuckstick if I do this?" and more.  My question was simpler - "which Ice Bucket Challenge among k-pop girls is the most fappable?".  This post seeks to answer this important question.

hamham

[MV Review] T-ara - Sugar Free



After (a) solo songs from Jiyeon and Hyomin and a drama role for Eunjung, T-ara is finally back as a group. After going with B-tier composers such as Duble Sidekick and Brave Brothers for solo songs, T-ara returns to the A-tier by re-teaming with Shinsadong Tiger.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Lee Hoo needs to take a break, avoid the twitters for a while


In case you missed one of the strangest stories in k-pop over the weekend, ZE:A's Lee Hoo has basically gone cray. It all started Saturday night when Lee Hoo tweeted a series of strange tweets attacking the CEO of their company, Star Entertainment. Among a vast plethora of at times undecipherable tweets he said: 
I cried and asked you.. CEO Shin Joo Hak… I asked you not to cross the line.. You crossed the line that you shouldn't have and now you must deal with it. My lid is open. I have dealt with [everything], from hair loss to depression. Be prepared… President, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. All I wanted was a warm word.
After this it later came out that essentially the CEO had agreed to pretty much everything including contract and profit adjustments.

Friday, September 19, 2014

fangirls are really butthurt that slutty Americans are remaking 'Man From the Stars'

Everyone already knows 'Man From the Stars' was one of the biggest drams out there, it's already being remade by a Chinese filmmaker who nicely decided to combine it with 'The Heirs' and 'Rooftop Prince' so those who haven't seen it can kill three birds with one stone.

11 written-while-taking-a-shit click-bait k-pop articles written in the last 72 hours

One of the favourite criticisms directed at my own blog writing is that it's somehow "click-bait".  Here I am spending hours of my time each week, pouring my heart and soul into articles for your completely free entertainment and enjoyment, with no hidden catches or ruses, and of course entitled me-generation cuntfaces still have to complain that I'm swindling them somehow.  Of course, I only ever get this criticism from people who also don't happen to like my writing generally speaking, now isn't that interesting.

eunjungfacepalm copy

Seeing as how there's so much confusion over what apparently constitutes "click-bait", I thought it was time that I showed my readers some examples of what I think click-bait is.

You should check out Minx

Alright so I don't always recommend new groups whenever I like them, but only when I think they really deserve it, which is a different matter. Last night I saw Minx on M! Countdown and they did really well for a debut stage. Laboum has also done decently but still show a few weaknesses and their song blows, yet Minx is really competent from the start.

I had only heard of them from the previews on music shows last week, and in really lazy curiosity only searched for them in English on English search engines so I found absolutely nothing about them and thought they were from some no-name agency. However, after that performance, I looked up their MV and holy shit, they are from Happyface Entertainment a.k.a. Dal Shabet's agency. Dal Shabet was also pretty pro from the start, so they must have good people in charge over there.

Anyway, whether you like the song or not, I think they deserve to be checked out, and I do mean checked out because this MV is pretty hot and I know you all love eye candy. I don't know why they have to be so confrontational with the pizza guy, but it seems like he may have gotten a good tip.




Thursday, September 18, 2014

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Oppar really didn't mean it, promises not to do it again.


The girlfriend, known as 'A' of Kim Hyun Joong has put in a request to drop the charges of assault and battery, essentially letting him off the hook aside from an apology and damaged public perception. The lawyer went on to say that 'A' was planning on dropping all charges on no condition or receipt of settlement money as soon as Joong made an apology.

While it's acknowedged bullshit that he is getting off with beating his girlfriend for literally nothing we can all at least rest assured that his domestic abuse was probably just an isolated incident. Like I said in the title I'm sure Oppa didn't mean it. Oppa was probably just under a lot of stress.

Well at least his fans probably look at him with a shit load of scrutiny...

Soyou and her abs are having a comeback


Just recently I was wondering in regards to Soyou, "Do you even Lift"? I can definitively say she does. I can also definitely say she's making a solo comeback.


Being in the middle of watching, "My Girlfriend is a Gumiho" I can't help but notice some similarities except for Shin Min Ah has nine-tails and Soyou here at least only has one. Lame. Anyway, on Sistar's Twitter it was written that the comeback will be on September 26th.

Kpopalypse 2NE1 shittiness survey - find the truth!

The experts agree: with a successful career, an eye-catching aesthetic unique among k-pop idol groups and several iconic hits under their belt, there's no denying the influence of 2NE1, a YG Entertainment production who are legitimately one of the best groups in k-pop.  Oh wait... did I type "are"?  I meant "were", sorry about that.  It's not a secret to anybody with reasonably discerning musical taste that 2NE1's last couple of years' worth of output has been complete and utter crap compared to their 2009-2011 glory days.  It hasn't hurt the group commercially but 2NE1 are riding off brand recognition alone at this point anyway, they've already built up an insane fanbase that will lap up literally anything they shit out no matter how bad (meaning bad) it is.  Let's be honest here - if 2NE1 were a brand new group debuting with any of the songs that they've been peddling lately, nobody would tolerate it - they would have sunk without a trace.

ako6y

We all know the "what" and the "when", but being an inquisitive sort, I'm more interested in the "how" and "why".  How could such an iconic group suddenly sink so low in terms of musical quality?  Why do all their new songs suck many hard cocks?  This post will look at a few theories, present a case for each one, and attempt to bring an elusive answer to this troubling question.

Hyoyeon is Learning How to Play the Guitar



Hyoyeon finally realized that her dancing ability is being wasted in SNSD, so to add her her Charisma (+10) and to learn a skill that will actually help SNSD, Hyo is learning the guitar. Maybe one day Hyoyeon and Kpopalypse can team up and compose a rock song to use as SNSD's title track in Korea because SNSD hasn't had a good title track in Korea in a very long time.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Okasian (feat. Play$tar) - No Flex Zone Remix



Not really a fan of the original song, but Okasian's dope flow makes the song sound a lot better. I have no idea who the dude rapping in English is. I can't even find any info on him on Naver. Must be some gyopo that wanted to feature in a rap song.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

An hour with the Music Core livestream chat

As a kind of experiment in masochism, I decided to focus my attention on the chat section during this week's Music Core livestream.

The livestream chat on Youtube is filled with the dregs of kpop — fanwar spam, petty bickering, and all the emojis and exclamation points you could want!!!!

Between Super Junior competing against Sistar and Winner and comebacks from 2PM, Teen Top and T-ara, it was bound to be a long program. Join me as I recap an hour in kpop hell.



Friday, September 12, 2014

Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 5: Kisum ft. Risso, 912 Crew, Rok Kiss

That's right folks, it's that time again!  Welcome to yet another episode of:

nugu5

Kpopalypse will yet again bring you fresh (or stale) nugus to enhance your life (or not)!

Nugu criteria as per usual:
* Less than 20,000 YouTube hits on the MV *
* Your friends who are all into EXO don't give a fuck *

Let's get the party started.

Subin is Awesome


[MV Review] Girl's Day - Darling



Oh yeah, super fashionably late as this song is two months old by the time this review goes live, but who cares? No one reviewed it on here, though Fany said something about the MV have gratuitous buttshots on her site, so now it's time for a review on AKF.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

SM's New Project Group(?) Is Wasted on the Masses

If you hadn't heard, SM Entertainment has debuted* a new project group (I call them this cause I have no idea who they are or what they look like) called Hitch Hiker. Their debut song is a little ditty called "11 (ELEVEN)" and it's FREAKIN' FANTASTIC.


More after the jump.

*A quick glance at their Facebook fan page indicates they've been around since 2013. I'm assuming this could be an in-house producer/DJ that's finally secured the OK to go public, but who knows?

Question of the Week 81

This week's question comes from an anonymous asker on my Ask.fm:

What are your favourite Kpop covers?

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Ladies' Code - Kiss Kiss


I've been debating on whether to write this article, but I'm going ahead with it anyways. While it is terrible that EunB and RiSe are no longer with us in this world, their music will still live on. As a music listener, it is okay to continue to enjoy the music from deceased singers. I find it better to associate the girls with the energy and happiness they provided while performing than to associate EunB and RiSe with death.

(For casual AKF readers and/or people who read the site from time to time and then spread lies about AKF, yes, I knew of Ladies Code before the incident and yes, I knew that Kiss Kiss was released because I fucking translated an article on Soompi about their then-impending comeback. Usually, MV reviews on AKF are on a 2-4 week delay mainly because I'm not trying to be the first person to review a music video. Plus I'm busy as fuck and don't have the time to sit around and write about the music videos when they first come out. Kiss Kiss came out 4 weeks ago, and this would be around the time I usually review songs. So no, we're not like Koreaboo or allkpop using Ladies' Code for page views because we don't have fucking ads on here because no one on the staff wants ads or to receive any revenue from this site.)

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

[MV Review] AOA - Miniskirt - Japanese Version


What do you do when you take one of my favorite songs of the year and translate it to the Japanese market? YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT FUCKING SHIT TO SUIT JAPAN.

Monday, September 8, 2014

T-ara's Sugar Free Teaser



Based Shinsadong Tiger teams up with Korea's bullying queens once again and I am stoked for the song. Summer is just about over and we have had some good songs (a few great ones), but a lot of mediocre tracks thrown at us. However, T-ara's next track with Shinsadong Tiger has me hyped for what the fall will bring.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Don't Like My Bias?



Oh snap, Kpopalypse and AKF team up once again to do a collaboration post. Both of us get a lot of spam on our ask.fm accounts, but one recurring type of message that we both receive is about anons telling us that our biases are ugly. Not content to do it just once, they spam our ask.fm queues with the same kind of questions.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Rest in peace, Rise of Ladies' Code

We all hoped for a miracle, but the reason we call them miracles is because they are rare.

Unfortunately, Rise did not recover from her severe injuries and passed away at 10:10pm.

Rest in peace, Rise. Thank you for the gifts you leave us with. You were loved and will be remembered.

Who killed EunB?

I'm sure almost all of you reading this have by now heard about the sad passing of 22 year old EunB (Go Eun Bi) from k-pop girl group Ladies Code.  Here she is in the great "Hate You" MV which has got to be one of the most visually astounding k-pop videos ever, as well as one of 2013's best songs.

eunblc

Looking around at various posts on the Internet, I can see that the incident of EunB's passing obviously affected many people quite deeply.  My heart does go out to all of you who are feeling shook by the loss.  My emotions on it are somewhat different to this though, however perhaps I can still help all you readers who are mourning by shining some light into the darkness, as well as giving voice to people who might not be reacting in the typical white-listed-by-society ways but still may wish to read about this incident in a way that they can relate to, in a way that is humourous AND educational AND sympathetic.  Trigger warning: if you're the ultra-sensitive type there may be better web pages for you out there than this one so feel free to not read further.  For the rest of you, read on.

[MV Review] EXID - Up & Down



EXID finally made a comeback and I'm finally writing a review. It's hard to believe that EXID had a 22-month hiatus for the main group, and an 18-month hiatus from Hani and Solji, the Dasoni subunit. I hope they studied/did other things during their long-ass hiatus because I doubt they could have made much money performing the same three two-year-old songs over and over again.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

This precious gift - In memory of EunB and Rise

[Updated after Rise's passing]

Remembering EunB and Rise, I see a lot of people saying to "not miss your chance" because you don't know when something will be taken away. I find that is a slightly selfish understanding, yet also accurate, even if perhaps an incomplete perspective that we should take away from such things.

Take a look at this page on Elvis Presley. He also died too soon, although he had more years in his work than EunB and Rise, years at the top. Even so, here is one of the biggest names in all music history and a massive influence upon it, someone who attained about everything a person who enters the field could ever dream for... and yet it is all so simply summarized here, on one page of a website.

The fact is that everyone, even those who live out their lives to the fullest thought as possible, can only live so long. So everyone who makes their life in sharing art is pouring themselves out with their moments, just as EunB and Rise have, though their opportunity ended so suddenly. We know that a summary on a website doesn't capture all that is "Elvis" in this world, not the full legacy or impact or experience. The same is true of EunB and Rise with their short time as active idols, and of anyone still working as one.

When we share in the arts, even if somewhat cynically produced to appeal to as many people as possible, we are looking into the potential of the human imagination. We look to the dream, the hope that there can be a more beautiful kind of existence, and draw out of our desire and creativity to make it happen, even if but for a few moments on a stage. Performers are rarely wholly responsible for the music, the design, and dance at once, but they do always function as windows into that more beautiful place existing truly only as something longed for in the human heart.

As far as we know, we are the only beings around to appreciate the universe; plants don't even grow anywhere else of which we are aware. Without us to view it in our wonder, the wonder of this world would not be, and just as we bring wonder, we bring that dream of something even more wondrous that we struggle to convey and can yet never truly fulfill in full. We are not only the one small bit of the universe that can be aware of itself, but the only bit with a notion to try and make it better.

So while one can look at things in common views, taking things for granted in the matter-of-fact standards and ideas of comparative achievement we have in civilization, I think in matters of life and death we need to stop and look at the simple fact of our rare and unique existence and the precious gift that it is. In looking at this, we can see what grand gifts EunB and Rise gave to the universe through their work, even if cut short, and yet also through understanding that, to more appropriately appreciate the gift of art from all performers and our chance to celebrate this effort of crafting a more lovely or meaningful existence.

In these dark times with international conflicts, economic and environmental strain, terrorism, corruption, and more problems, a person who makes the whole of their endeavors to bring something lovely and enjoyable to others is a noble sort. Likewise, looking at the unique nature of humanity to create art, to express ideas and feelings, to be an actual living impact on existence, we see the whole of a person isn't limited to their time of sharing, but is also truly in what they shared and where it goes. It is not just a cheesy sentiment; EunB and Rise have left us with a part of themselves in the songs and videos and memories and feelings they gave.

Let us hope that Sojung can recover well along with Ashley and Zuny after this traumatic event. Whether or not the girls will be able to perform again, this all applies to them as well. All their past givings are already, indeed, the past, and yet living with us. So our concern for them is in regard to the future, yet whether there remains opportunity for more from them or not, the preciousness of their gift does not change. The same is true of every gift we share and celebrate.

Let EunB and Rise's passing remind us of how valuable every moment and song we have to experience together truly is, as all things must pass and are even now passing into what is next.


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Ladies' Code involved in accident, EunB passes away while other members are seriously injured.


At around 1:20 AM, today while traveling to Incheon, Ladies' Code's van slipped on a rainy road after a wheel on the van they were traveling in fell off. While information is still coming in, EunB has died after she was ejected from the van during the crash, while two other members onboard, Rise and Sojung were critically injured. The other members as well as the manager were not seriously injured.

This post will be updated as more information becomes available.

Don't Be A Koreaboo While Naming Your Kids


So I just got home from school (before writing this post) and saw this topic posted on One Hallyu. I was facepalming myself before I even read the actual first post.