Tuesday, June 30, 2015

The B Team: Pocket Girls


What's The B Team you ask?  It's my series in which I introduce you to the girl groups who aren't as popular or well known as there competitors; by introducing you to each member, and sharing their various videos. This week the focus is on 'Pocket Girls' a group you probably have heard of because of that one video that actually got some recognition, but my bet is that you have yet to learn who is who in this group, and exactly why you should be praying for their return.
/Image - Gif heavy/

Sunday, June 28, 2015

BTS do a 180 from 'I Need U' MV-wise with follow-up promotion music video: 'Dope'

BTS is back with the follow-up promotion for their recent mini-album, "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life pt.1." And while I was hoping for a "Fun Boyz" music video, they at least came back with one of the better songs off the album (Suga's intro already has a video, "I Need U" is the title, and "Fun Boyz" was promoted alongside "I Need U").

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Tracking k-pop's musical trends to 2015 - how can k-pop improve?

Inquiring minds have noticed the lack of quality in current k-pop and wish to know the answer to the following question:

questititit

What does Kpopalypse want to hear in k-pop?  More importantly, will any of it actually happen?  Come on a journey with Kpopalypse as he explores k-pop's musical trends and shows areas for future improvement!

berrylp2

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Best of the Worst: June 25, 2015

Welcome back, everyone. This week, we've got idols compared to Western artists, an extreme diet, and an idol suspected of cocaine use.


No, it's not CL, though her life choices are beginning to concern me.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

AKF Survey Results


By now, anyone who was going to take the survey has taken it by now, so I wanted to go over the results.

Wonder Girls Revisited

With the Wonder Girls actually making a comeback, I figured that this would be a perfect time to continue the Revisited series, which I started with SNSD back in 2013. I thought the group was done for, with Sunye focusing on raising her child, Sohee going into acting, and with Yeeun and Sunmi branching out into their solo careers.

Unfortunately for me, I got into the Wonder Girls in early 2009, when they were trying to make it in America. I missed out on their explosive popularity in 2007 and 2008, but when I listened to those songs, I instantly became a fan of the group. JYP changed K-pop with the Wonder Girls, bringing it to its current form and shitting all over the slow, R&B-based music that had been plaguing Korea for over a decade.


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The most important thing I learned from AOA's recent comeback

As you should know, AOA  recently had their comeback, and while the song and MV are good, you should really be focusing on the underlying messages of the music video. The most important of these, though, is taught by the very fabulous Choa.



Sunday, June 21, 2015

[MV Review] AOA - Heart Attack



The pretty girls are AOA!

AOA starts off the summer deluge of girl group comebacks, which means that this summer will be pretty fucking awesome.

Fapcams Madness 1: "Up&Down"

Right now, the famous Hani fancam has more than 14 million views, and almost every k-pop fan has seen it at least once. Thanks to it EXID shot to stardom, so let's watch it one more time:


Finished fapping? Then allow me to explain what this series is going to be about ...

1. I'll take one k-pop song (recent/famous one) and find as many fancams of dance covers (more or less "professional" ones, no double entries for the same person), watch them all and choose the 10 best.
2. From those 10, I'll try to choose the best one (using scientific methods, of course) when it comes to fappiness.
3. Everything will be objective and scientific (at least, I'll try).
4. At the end of the post will be survey in which you can let me know which one was the best in your opinion.

Let's begin the search.

KPOPALYPSE presents THE GREATEST K-POP ASS MASTERPIECES OF 2015

It's been a year since the last Kpopalypse ass post, so that means we're due for an update!  What's changed in the world of k-pop ass?  Which k-pop asses are generating the highest amount of faps?

Hyolsy

The results from the Kpopalypse ass survey are in and it's time to find out the greatest k-pop ass masterpieces of 2015!  Read on and discover the trufax about k-pop ass!

WARNING: post contains lots of high quality GIFS of ass, they take a while to load!

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 79

This week's photo comes from Derek:

But wait - there's more! See the full post below...

Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

Friday, June 19, 2015

Kpopalypse’s 8 steps to iljin success for losers like you who should probably be killed

K-pop fans will probably already be familiar with the term iljin (일진) - a Korean word for young people who prioritise fun, positivity, social skills and being sexy over lonely boredom and pointless, soulless drudgery.  Iljins aren't interested in studying 624 hours per week, crying into their pillows every night about their lonely boring futureless existence and whining on the Internet every two seconds like most people you know, but instead channel their many positive qualities into their productive future careers as highly successful businesspeople and celebrities.

hyominiljin

Are you, or is someone you know a complete loser who could use some assistance and advice from someone who isn't failing at life?  Have you ever wanted to know how to embrace the positive side of existence and become a stunningly charismatic, successful and fun-loving iljin that Korean netizens are rabidly jealous of?  What amazing trufax can we learn from these living, breathing success stories?  Wonder no more as Kpopalypse takes you through the 8 steps to iljin success!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Best of the Worst: June 18, 2015

This week in bad kpop, we've got excessive aegyo, an idol sparking fan wars and two separate items that somehow involve Zico.


Zico and Hyuna — the devil's OTP

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

AKF Survey



Take the survey here.

HYSF is on vacation, so I'm temporarily filling in for him (plus I'm a little burnt out on studying, so I could use the short break). Since I've largely been gone this year, I want your guys' feedback.

Hara Poses For Cosmopolitan


Words and shit.

Kool K-Hip-Hop Krews Part 1: Just Music



What with "SMTM4" starting sometime in June (I have no idea when. I don't care that deeply), I figured that I should do a K-Hip-Hop related post, not least because it has been not a pop song, but a rap song that has attained my "best of the month" accolade twice this year now. Korean rappers often act alone, but they secretly move in squads. So I thought it a good idea to write about a series of these squads over a series of posts. Let's start with objectively the best group so this post series doesn't start out by hurting too much.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

I am Addicted to "Sixteen"


If you haven't been keeping up, "Sixteen" is the survival show for JYP's upcoming girl group, Twice. I told myself I wouldn't watch the show. However, I like nugu groups because more often than not, they tend to release better songs. Since Twice will be under JYP, as long as JYP himself produces the songs, Twice is bound to have some good songs.

Whose Bewbs Are These? [QUIZ]


Objectification seems to be trending in Kpop these days as we all can clearly see, bewbs and booty being a pretty big part of it. And that doesn't look like it's gonna change anytime soon. Once upon a time it did bother me but now, well, who gives two fucks anymore? A lot of people. I'm just not one of them.

So, moving on. Think you're well endowed in the world of Kpop boobies? Time to test your knowledge! Take the Quiz and share your results (if you're not a pussy). Though I'm not too sure if getting a high percentage is a good thing or a bad thing really.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Tao's actually smart

Tao has proven himself to be the smartest of the four Chinese members in EXO. Whilst Wu Yi Fan and Luhan are stuck in a neverending war with SMEnt, Tao has taken to setting up his own one-man company.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Big Bang - Bang Bang Bang Rap Remix


G-Dragon and TOP were surprised at the negative reactions "Bang Bang Bang" has been receiving, so they decided to do a remix, featuring everyone's favorite hiphop artist Bobby.

I found the lyrics on DC Inside, but for some reason, I can never find the audio to these remixes.

EXO's Love Me Right - MV Breakdown



Nah, that title was a complete troll. I may not know much, but I do know that one would have to know what the actual fuck is going on in a music video to be able to break it down, in which case I don't. If I had an observation though, I'd say SM tried to pull a T-ARA with this shit.

I will, however, explain what SM was trying to achieve in this music video - which, in its own way, is pretty fucking genius but pretty fucking dumb at the same time.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop (COCK) 2: Trap/Trans Hani

Time for the next COCK! This time, we will tackle a less serious problem than Illuminati/NWO. It's time to find cocks transgenders in k-pop! 

... well ... other than Nana, since everyone already knows:


Once again, completely random opinion
chosen from the depths of the Internet


This one is also from a random, unrelated person.

KPOPALYPSE ASS SURVEY 2015 - CLOSED

The ass survey is now closed!  Thanks to all those who voted!


CLICK HERE for the results!

Friday, June 12, 2015

The B Team: Purfles




The B Team is your one-stop introduction into the horrible, horrible world of lesser kpop girl groups. After some extensive research into the world of the best of the best, I have come up with a decently long list of girl groups that need your attention. Every week, I'll do a focus on generally one group at a time, introducing the members (if possible) and tracking down some fancams. Granted, these groups may no longer be active or still together, but if that's the case, then I will do a focus on two groups in the one post. Because I can.

For them to be classed as the B Team, they have to not be mentioned in any of the several sites I went to that listed the top however many girl groups in Korea, and I just have to feel like they aren't particularly well known and need some exposure. Feel free to let me know of any nugu girl groups that you feel deserve an article.
/Fairly gif heavy/

KPOPALYPSE INTERVIEW - Neil Hannigan (ex-trainee at SM Entertainment)

Hello lovely readers!  KPOPALYPSE INTERVIEW is back once again to entertain you all!

throwaway3

This time Kpopalypse is interviewing ex-trainee at SM Entertainment, Neil Hannigan!  Read on to find out more!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Best of the Worst: June 11, 2015

Hi readers, and sorry for not posting last week (I was busy). Please accept this photo of Dahye as my sincere apology.




Anywho, this week in bad kpop we've got idol shit talking, an embarrassing manager, and the pot calling the kettle slutty.


Why Australian adverts need to learn from Korea

What I've learned whilst enjoying the k pop scene, is that Korean adverts do it better than Australia. Might be different for you, but down under, our ads are terrible. Take Sprite for example:

Suzy for Sprite

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

T.O.P's Ominous Instagram Posts (#BROKEN)



I've heard from somewhere that T.O.P of BIGBANG has a weird fetish for interior designing or whatever, but he sure isn't hiding it. Subsequently, I begin to question my life choices. I do remember previously unfollowing T.O.P on Instagram because of his annoyingly frequent, non-sensual updates that crammed my homepage with utter bullshit that probably has some deep inner meaning that I'm way too dumb to understand. Heaven knows why I decided to follow him again a few days later. Looking at the bright side though, this gave me some material to write about so fuck it.

Now I shall the uncover the mysteries behind some of these Instagram posts using the power of #OreoMonsterLogic.

Tell me what you guys make of these pictures in the comments below.

(Warning, a lot of what-the-fuck-ery coming up).


Monday, June 8, 2015

Which female idol would make the best porn star?



It's no mystery that female K-pop idols are pretty fucking hot. But would being hot be enough for them to make it big in the porn industry (which probably won't happen anytime soon)? Well, obviously not, because if it were, I could just put in the names of all the members of every single girl group out there (with a few exceptions) and call it a day. But being a porn star takes much more than just looks and body, and you shall see how through this article.

So here are the nominees, handpicked personally by me, in no particular order.
(P.S. This is gonna be photo and gif heavy).
(P.P.S., If you managed to get through this whole article without fapping once, you get a cookie.)


Sunday, June 7, 2015

POSITIVE post - Kim Hyun Joong

Kpopalypse is back with another POSITIVE post!  Lots of people complain that Kpopalypse is too insulting and condescending, so there's no time like the present to turn over a new POSITIVE leaf once again!

eunnjungcrutches2 copy

This post is all about acknowledging and celebrating the wonderful qualities of Kim Hyun Joong... but it's also about more than that!  Kpopalypse is going to do something extra-special to help improve the quality of his life, let's read on and find out what it is!

[MV Review] BoA - Lick My Pussy



There were quite a few songs that came out in May that I never got the chance to review due to being busy. BoA's "Lick My Pussy", the song and the album, made me a fan, so I felt like I had to review the title track.

TRUFAX: G-Dragon is C-R-A-Z-Y


For some time now, BIGBANG has been making their comeback to the k-pop scene after a long hiatus… And if their first two songs could be called mediocre, the same can’t be said about the third release, “Bang Bang Bang”. Why is it so bad? One simple reason: GD.

Two randomly chosen opinions about the latest song and GD's influence on it.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Welcome The 13th Generation


We have three new disciples of Yeseulogy who have joined AKF: Sindsoron, Oreo Monster, and Kaylia Kookie.

Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop 1: Illuminati are everywhere! Part 1


Everyone likes good conspiracy theories. Some like to laugh at them while others take them seriously. To fill this niche in k-pop blogging, I bring you a new series called Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop -- in short, COCK.

Let’s start with the well-known organizations: Illuminati, Free Masons and New World Order. Everyone knows at least one theory built around these key words, it is so popular that in Poland there’s even a saying that behind every tragedy/fraud/you name it, there is a “Jewish-Mason-Cyclist Sect”. Apparently in Korea this is also kind of common (it doesn’t surprise me that much since every country with high percentage of Protestants is “obsessed” with it). So how much Illuminati brainwashing is in K-Pop really? Let’s find out!

Friday, June 5, 2015

Let's Get to Know - CarolinaPanthers2015



You may be asking yourself, who is CarolinaPanthers2015? I'm here to tell you he's one of the greatest minds in K-pop fapping today. A common participant on Reddit's kpopfap board; each of his comments is a work of art. Aptly describing the material being posted while at the same time giving a concise description of what he'd like to do. Really, I haven't seen such great "porn" commenting since ross53545.

CarolinaPanthers2015 was kind enough to answer of a few of my questions:

Over the Top Music Video analysis: Speed - "What U"



Speed is back after a year hiatus without Zico's big brother. They apparently have an advertising deal to promote some fantastic shoes (because that is the only realistic reason for using shoes made for 3 year olds). Other than that, the music video is here to teach us some new lessons.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Mission: Free Hyunaisaslut57!!!!! (T-ara vs AOA – The Final Fap part 2)

You said that you wanted it, so here it is - a sequel to "T-ara vs AOA - The Final Fap"!

fanfij

While this post does work as a standalone story, it's a lot more fucking entertaining and the various references in it will make far more sense if you've already read the original, so read the first part by clicking here!  For those who have already done so, read on, cao ni mas!

Masters of Mediocrity (Jan-May 2015)

                               

It's true that 2015 hasn't been as shitty a year for K-pop as 2014 had been, thank heavens for that, but I'd be lying if I said there hasn't been some really terrible music, too. Well, I'm not gonna talk about the shitty or the good songs today, but about those that stand annoyingly in the middle; just plain old, "meh".

It's time to throw some spotlight at those songs that aren't memorable in any way, neither for how catchy they are nor for how cringe-worthy they are; the songs that are so unremarkable on so many different levels; the songs that have no value at all, and have no influence whatsoever or a reason for existing.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

The May Honours List



Where April was mediocre, May was straight up bad. Let's see if I can scrape together enough songs to say nice things about before abusing every other release this month.


Monday, June 1, 2015

What it's like to be pegged without lube


This song truly deserves a rant for why it's so bad (and go suck a bunch of whale cocks before you start complaining about me not liking G-Dragon's yologayswag shit, Unknown), but then I would have to subject my ears to this shit multiple times in order to write why it's so bad.